Supporting Students through Extraordinary Circumstances and Trauma

Will Styler

Updated November 28th, 2023

In this document, I’ll lay out a number of concrete actions you can take when one of your students (at any level) is going through extraordinary, traumatic, and/or legal difficulties. This is based partly on my own experiences navigating trauma as a student, partly on best practices for trauma-informed pedagogy, and partly in consultation with my wife, Jessica Styler, a trauma-focused Licensed Clinical Social Worker.

General Practices

• Know the campus resources for…
  • Sexual Assault (CARE at SARC at UCSD)
  • Student Mental Health Support (CAPS at UCSD)
  • Student Legal Services (UCSD’s Version)
  • Basic Needs Issues (211 or The Hub at UCSD)
  • Here’s a list of other resources on campus
• Learn a bit about domestic and family violence
  • Here’s a very nice summary
  • Learn where to send people locally
• Don’t make assumptions about the nature of students’ family relationships
  • The relationship you’ve had with your parents and extended family is not necessarily anything like that of anybody else, and don’t assume feelings and situations which might not exist for them
  • When a student talks about losing a family member, start with a sympathetic ‘How are you feeling?’ to gauge whether this feels to them like a tragedy, a liberation, or something in between.
  • Be careful with (often true) statements like “It’s so important to go home to visit family over break” or “I really hope your parents will be at the defense” unless you know the nature of the student’s relationships with the relevant folks
  • Be careful with overly general statements like ‘Everybody loves their father/mother/siblings’ which might feel hurtful to the ‘not everybody’ without advancing your teaching goals
  • Don’t assume that students are open with their family about important aspects of their life or identity, and let the student guide any non-academic components of any conversations with (e.g.) a visiting family member at a defense.
• Be open-minded as a habit
  • Your students should never doubt that you’re going to be there for them, no matter what
  • You may find out things about your students’ personal, private lives, so it’s important to present yourself as non-judgmental so they know they’ll still be valued
  • “Thank you for trusting me with this, but it doesn’t change how I value you as a student”
  • Ensure your students know that, except in cases of legal obligation and mandatory reporting, you will hold their personal information in confidence
• Have backup plans so that you’re ready to support a student in crisis while still meeting your own goals
  • What would you do if your student couldn’t finish a class?
    • How do you handle incompletes?
  • What if one of your grad students couldn’t keep TAing?
  • Can your research program survive a grad student leave of absence?
  • Is there anybody who is ‘the only person’ who can do something whose absence would hurt you badly?
• Keep an eye out for signs of trouble
  • Look for sudden changes in student performance/attendance/engagement/alertness
  • Be proactive in offering flexibility and assistance
  • Check in periodically
  • “Hey, whatever’s going on, I’m here for you”

When a traumatic event occurs…

• Believe them
  • Truth can be stranger than fiction
  • It is not your place to question the facts or to ‘find the truth’
    • Even in the unlikely situation that the student were entirely ‘making it up’, this is still a cry for help
  • If something ‘isn’t adding up’, there may be hidden information or incomplete explanations
    • People may withhold some information or details for as long as they can out of embarrassment, felt shame, or difficulty acknowledging it internally, and that’s OK
  • Failing to believe victims of serious trauma can be massively harmful to their mental health
• Make clear that they only have to share what they want to, and that you’ll keep their confidence to your full legal and ethical ability
  • Title IX applies here, so make sure they know what your mandatory reporting obligations are
  • “I may ask questions while trying to help, but if you don’t want to talk about something, you can just say so, don’t feel pressured because I’m your professor/advisor”
    • Remember there’s a strong power gradient, make sure they have as much of the power as they can
  • Make sure they understand (and guide) what information you do and do not share as you’re making referrals, talking with other faculty, or working to advocate on their behalf
    • This is their story, give them the power to control how and when it’s told to the fullest legal extent
• Sincerely ask if they’re OK
  • “Are you OK? If not, can you see the path to when you will be?”
  • “Are you considering or planning self harm or suicide?”
    • Be straightforward and compassionate, you will not “put the idea of suicide” into their mind, this is an old myth
    • You can also let them know about 988 which is the national suicide and crisis lifeline (which can be called or texted)
  • If they are contemplating self harm or harm to others, start the students of concern process
    • The ‘Triton CORE’ team is a mental health intervention team at UCSD designed to take the police out of this process, don’t feel like you’re endangering students by starting this process
• Realize that people handle trauma differently
  • Some people get very emotional and messy
  • Some people get very cold and stoic
  • Some people withdraw from academic obligations
  • Some people find peace in academics and dive deep
  • Don’t assume anything about the severity or veracity of their situation based on their reactions
• Check if there’s a safety plan needed for their time in the academic space
  • Cases of Domestic and Family Violence, Stalking, or Assault carry risk of subsequent attacks or stalking
  • “Is there anything we can do here to make you feel safer?”
  • “Would you like to change offices for a little while? Can we get you an office in a different building for a while?”
  • “Do we need to let campus police know what’s happening?”
  • “Is there anybody specific I should be keeping an eye out for? Do you have pictures of them? Are there restraining orders we should be aware of?”
• Let them know that they’ve got flexibility
  • Offer reasonable extensions, immediately
    • “If you don’t need the extra time, that’s fine, but it’s here now”
  • Make clear what lines remain hard-and-fast and what things can be changed in extraordinary circumstances
    • “Yeah, it says this in the handbook, but in this kind of circumstance, we can probably shift that”
    • “That deadline is set by the university, let me look into what, if anything, we can do about that”
  • Set clear guidance on what you absolutely need from them, when, and why, and make clear what isn’t as important
• Give permission for things to be messy
  • “If you have to skip some meetings or travel back home, that’s fine”
  • If a student starts crying or ‘breaking down’, make clear that that’s fine and understandable, and offer basic compassion - Keeping a box of tissues in your office is an easy way to offer a basic compassion in a tough moment
  • Reassure your students that they’re allowed to be human and have emotions and be overwhelmed
    • ‘Professionalism’ may be a virtue, but it’s not always possible
  • Realize they simply may not be able to regulate their emotions at this moment, and it may not be something they can ‘fix’ or ‘do differently’
    • If disregulation is causing problems (e.g. while teaching), find ways to change their situation such that it doesn’t matter, rather than trying to ‘force’ or command them to change their behaviors
• Be very cautious with the media if they’re involved
  • Please follow your student’s lead
  • FERPA allows you to not acknowledge that they’re your student
    • “I’m sorry, but due to the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act, I can’t even acknowledge if somebody’s a student here, so even if I knew that person, I couldn’t offer any comment.”
  • With student consent, talk to your colleagues, in brief, about what’s going on so that they’re aware and don’t make careless mistakes or statements
  • You may get multiple calls, even from the same reporters/outlets
    • Repeat “I will not be making any statements to any media outlets about this matter” and hang up if they persist.
    • Media are terrified that if they take your “No Comment” and leave you alone, you’ll give the scoop to the next reporter who calls, and this is how they justify this harassment
  • Do not trust anything you read in the media about the situation
    • Don’t be surprised if you read things which are factually wildly wrong
      • Especially in emerging or high-interest cases, accuracy is often less important than ‘getting the story out’ quickly
    • If your student is giving you different information, trust that
• Understand that you probably can’t ‘fix’ things
  • No matter how hard you try, you likely cannot make the issue ‘go away’ for the student
  • It will likely feel like “I must be able do more”, and that doesn’t mean you actually can do more
  • Don’t have unrealistic expectations for yourself, you are doing your best, but you are not a superhero
• Focusing on ‘finding solutions’ to the situation isn’t necessarily helpful
  • Academics often instinctively turn to problem solving, particularly to help people they care about, so ‘let’s think of some possible solutions’ can be a comfortable place for you to go
  • In many cases, the student is already thinking about possible solutions 24/7, and explaining problems with the solutions you find may be draining or force them to give information they’re not eager to share
  • In other cases, they may not be ready to think about the logical ‘next steps’ or still struggling to accept their reality
  • You might not have enough information to be able to solve the ‘real’ problem, anyways
  • Always feel free to ask if they’d like to brainstorm solutions, but don’t turn to giving solutions as a substitute for listening to them and providing compassion
• Ask them how you can help
  • “Would you like to discuss possible solutions on the academic side?”
  • “Can I help connect you to campus resources?”
  • “Would you rather I check in with you about this when we meet, or I wait for you to share anything new, and just proceed as our meetings usually go?”
  • “Do you have any personal needs that are going unmet right now that you’d like to brainstorm ways to address?”
    • Focusing on the student, particularly if the trauma is coming from family or friends, can be refreshing and feel extra supportive
• Think outside the box to support your students
  • Talk to their academic advisors/Dean of Students (if they’re undergrad)
  • Talk to your department chair
  • Think about offering to rearrange obligations
    • “Would you like Priya to cover your sections and shift you to grading from home until this is done?”
  • Brainstorm about ways to mitigate the economic consequences for the student
    • Loss of research/teaching ability/external job
    • Legal fees? Financial abuse?
  • Consider who else is ‘on their team’ or supportive and, with the student’s permission, coordinate
• Don’t try to be their psychologist
  • Listen when they need to talk, but it’s not your place to work them through this
  • Focus on the academic side, while having compassion for the human
  • Connect them with resources, rather than trying to process the non-academic elements with them
• Don’t panic
  • It’s very easy to feel scared, lost, shocked, or confused as these kinds of extraordinary situations unfold
  • Acknowledge the severity and uncertainty, and don’t downplay what the student is feeling, but try to stay as calm as you can
  • It’s helpful if you can be a “rock” for the student and make them feel like no matter what, they’ve got a good ally in their academic life
• Don’t hesitate to get help yourself
  • Secondhand trauma is a thing
  • Processing horrible things happening to people close to us is hard
  • Although you should be mindful of the student’s privacy, don’t hesitate to talk to a mental health professional or use resources for yourself where appropriate

After the trauma is ‘over’

• “Decompensation” is a thing
  • Don’t be shocked if they’re at their worst (emotionally) once things calm down and they feel more safe
    • “I’m safe, now I can let down the walls, break down and start feeling it all”
  • The end of a traumatic event is often the beginning of a new phase of the process, not the end of problems
• Don’t take it personally if you don’t find out what happened to the student until well after the fact
  • It’s very reasonable to want to hide some problems from your boss/mentor/advisor/colleagues, and doing so is not about you at all
  • Hiding the trauma, but being unable to hide the recovery, is common and reasonable
• Be prepared for the possibility of some Post Traumatic Stress
  • PTSD is normal adaptation to abnormal circumstances
  • Be mindful of ‘associated’ things liable to cause unnecessary distress
  • Don’t be surprised if your student is ‘jumpy’ or ‘paranoid’ or constantly tired
  • Be mindful and compassionate when you notice unexpected reactions or discomfort with ‘normal’ stimuli
    • Doors slamming, raised voices, phones ringing, being alone in a closed room with a person, etc
  • Don’t make assumptions, but do think of ways you can help mitigate or avoid things that keep causing discomfort
• Make “the path forward” as clear as you can
  • “Here are the things which you’ll need to work on in the next few months to get back on track”
  • “These here are hard-and-fast due dates, but this stuff has more flex”
  • “Let’s make a new plan to help you graduate and move forward on your path”
• Follow the student’s lead in discussing this situation in letters of recommendation or otherwise
  • “It’s particularly impressive that you did this caliber of work while fighting through all that. Would you like me to discuss that you had huge non-academic challenges to overcome to put your work in context?”
  • “What level of detail are you giving, if you’re discussing it at all? What level of detail would you like me to give?”
  • “I won’t talk to anybody about this without your blessing.”
• Make clear that the trauma didn’t affect your working relationship or opinions of the the student
  • People can be very afraid that you’ll ‘see them differently’, so assuage that
  • Guilt and shame are powerful forces for some survivors, and guilt and shame can happen even when it doesn’t feel to you like there’s anything to be guilty or ashamed of.
  • “This is a part of your story, but it’s not the part I think about when I think about you”

Why this matters

Some academics view this kind of thing as ‘not my job’ or outside our scope of practice. This is true in that it is not your job to be your student’s primary emotional or psychological support, nor to be the person who ‘gets them through this’. However, providing effective academic and interpersonal support to students in extraordinary or traumatic situations can be life changing for those students.

I know this because I am one of those students. In all sincerity, I am where I am because I had advisors and mentors who stepped up and supported me during the darkest days of my own trauma in graduate school. Without the academic guidance, flexibility, support, and simple human compassion which they offered instinctively and without hesitation, I could easily have fallen out of the Ph.D program, may have fallen off my path altogether, may not have survived, and absolutely would not be in the position I am in.

I hope desperately that you never need any of this information, but in the event that something like this does happen to you or one of your students, I hope you’ll be ready, and be an important ‘protective factor’ and element of the support system which helps to see them through it all.

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